


Sea Change

by visionshadows



Series: Her Journey Bright and Pure [19]
Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Coming Out, Concussions, F/M, Flower is kind of awesome, Gender Dysphoria, Gender Issues, Lack of Communication, M/M, Marty is going to retire when he's damn well ready, Miscommunication, Panic Attacks, Relationship Issues, Relationships are hard work, Transgender
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-07
Updated: 2013-08-07
Packaged: 2017-12-22 18:10:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/916415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/visionshadows/pseuds/visionshadows
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Geno and Sidney are a mess. Neither of them are able to move forward in fixing their relationship. And then Geno gets concussed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sea Change

Sidney knew things were bad. She knew it was mostly her fault too. The group session with Pamela had been a wash. Yes, she understood that Geno was having a hard time right now and needed her to give him some support in return. Everything that Pamela said made sense. A person can only give so much without getting anything in return.

Having Geno too close made her feel like she was going to choke, her chest tight. She explained that to Pamela, to Geno. After that Geno stopped pushing, stopped trying to hug her, stopped trying to do anything really. Geno still took care of her, still made sure that she was eating right and going to her sessions with Pamela. He would do her makeup and then retreat back to the den.

They lived in the same house, but barely spoke to each other. Geno stayed in the recliner and Sidney slept in the bedroom. Jeffrey had taken Geno’s side and spent most of his time trailing after him. 

The only thing that was going right was hockey. She was having an amazing season, the team was winning, and despite the crazy schedule, they were relatively healthy. 

And then Geno got a concussion and Sidney had a panic attack that scared the crap out of everyone in the locker room and forced Mario to take her to Pamela’s house at 10:30 at night to talk her down. Once Mario uttered the word concussion, Pamela sat them both down in her home office and started to work on calming Sidney down.

By the time they left, Mario knew what was going on and promised that he would pay closer attention to Geno as well. Sidney was half-asleep and had a prescription for Xanax for when her anxiety got that bad.

When Mario dropped her off after getting the Xanax, she found Geno sleeping in the bedroom and Flower sitting in the armchair where they usually threw their clothes. Sidney came to a halt, staring at Flower in surprise. 

“He said he wasn’t supposed to sleep in here, Sidney. Pretty insistent about it really.” Flower said quietly, getting to his feet. “I want to talk about this later. Something is not right here and if this is what is throwing Geno off, then we need to talk about it.”

“Flower,” Sidney said tiredly. “This is none of your business.”

“Two of my best friends are obviously unhappy. Geno has been walking around like a ghost the last few weeks and you’ve been so on edge lately that you had a panic attack when you found out he had a concussion,” Flower shot back at her, his voice an angry whisper. “Are you going to be able to watch over him tonight or should I stay?”

“I know how to take care of someone with a concussion. And he can sleep in the bed,” Sidney sighed, sitting down to take off her shoes. She couldn’t even bring herself to care that there was makeup on the dresser and a nightie thrown in the laundry basket. “You don’t have to stay.”

“Are you still dating him?” asked Flower softly. "Should you be?"

Sidney nodded, her hands shaking as she tried to pull off her socks. Flower sighed and dropped to his knees, taking Sidney’s socks off for her. He ran his thumb over her toenail, looking at the glittery purple polish. 

“I’m going to stay tonight,” Flower got to his feet again. “Are you okay undressing yourself?”

Sidney nodded again. Undressing at home was different than the locker room and she didn’t want Flower to watch. 

“Look, Sid,” Flower said after a moment. “I don’t care about what you wear to bed tonight or what is going on with the makeup or anything. I care about you. I care about Geno. You can talk to me.”

“I’ll set an alarm. When was the last time you woke him up?” asked Sidney, not bothering to reply to him. 

“About an hour ago. He’s really groggy and confused. He’s got a horrible headache and having some serious light sensitivity.”

Sidney got to her feet and set the alarm on her phone for two hours. “Thank you. Taylor’s room is set up with clean sheets if you’d like to sleep there.”

“I’ll sleep in the den. It’s closer to this room.”

Sidney looked at him, her eyes wide. “What?”

“The den is closer than any of the guest rooms or Taylor’s room,” Flower said patiently. “I’ll be able to hear better if either of you need anything.”

“Oh,” Sidney said, feeling stupid. Geno never said why he was sleeping in there, not even when they had their session with Pamela. She should have realized that the den was closest to the bedroom.

“Whatever it is, it isn’t something that can’t be worked on. You have a lot of friends who are here to help both of you.” Flower gave Sidney a tight smile before leaving the room. 

Sidney got undressed, dropping her clothes in the laundry basket before pulling on a clean pair of boxer shorts and one of Geno’s Metallurg shirts. She may hate the team and what they represented in her life - the lockout and taking Geno for so long - but she loved the shirts because they were Geno’s.

Geno was sleeping on his back, a wrinkle of pain between his eyes even now. Sidney climbed into bed next to him, moving close to face him. She reached out a hand to press against the wrinkle, swiping her thumb over it gently. Concussions scared the shit out of her after her own. 

Being next to Geno wasn’t frightening right now, her breath wasn’t caught in her chest. Maybe it was the Xanax she took earlier, maybe it was the fear dissipating now that she knew Geno was somewhat okay. She didn’t really care as she left a hand on Geno’s chest, feeling his heartbeat and his steady breathing. 

 

The phone alarm beeped loudly and Sidney quickly turned it off. Geno’s eyes were squeezed tightly shut so he must have heard it and woken up. 

“Hey,” Sidney said gently, rubbing her thumb against Geno’s collarbone. “Lights are out. It’s okay to open them.”

Geno kept his eyes shut but turned his head towards her voice. “Sid?”

“It’s me.” Sidney took Geno’s hand in her own, bringing it up to kiss his knuckles. “It’s concussion check time.”

Geno said something in Russian, his voice slurred and tired. Sidney shook his hand gently. “English, Zhenya.”

“Hard,” Geno mumbled. “Evgeni Vladimirovich Malkin. July 31st, 1986. In Pittsburgh with Sidney. Go back to sleep now?”

“Just open your eyes for a moment so I can check your pupils,” Sidney said gently. 

Geno opened his eyes, moaning softly. “Spin.”

“Quick. I promise,” Sidney said as Geno opened them fully. She took a look at his pupils, quickly shining the light of the phone to see them contract. “Go ahead and close them.”

“Pet hair,” Geno murmured, his voice pained. “Helps.”

Sidney sat up a little and Geno shifted so his head was on her lap. He exhaled softly, wrapping an arm around her thigh. She began to stroke Geno’s hair lightly, remembering him doing this for her just a year before. 

“I love you,” Sidney said, leaning down to press a kiss against his hair. “Go back to sleep.”

“Don’t leave me.”

“I’m right here,” Sidney promised. She continued to stroke his hair as Geno settled back into sleep. 

 

The next time she woke up, Flower was in the bedroom pulling the blackout shades shut. Geno was still curled on her lap, his arm tight around her leg. Sidney stretched her arms up, her back and neck stiff from sleeping sitting up.

“Time to check him again?” asked Flower. 

Sidney nodded and started to smooth her fingers through Geno’s hair. “Geno? Time to wake up again.”

Geno made a noise, turning his face into Sidney’s lap. “No.”

“You have to, Zhenya. Flower and I need to check you over and I want to get you into the shower,” said Sidney softly. “Okay?”

Geno turned a little, one eye opened slightly to look up at Sidney. “Evgeni Vladimirovich Malkin. July 31st, 1986. In Pittsburgh with Sidney.”

Sidney chuckled softly. “Let go of my leg so I can check your pupils. Flower’s got some water for you to drink.”

Geno sighed and shifted on the bed so that he was resting on the pillows again. His eyes were closed again, the wrinkle of pain between his eyebrows again. His jaw was clenched and he was breathing heavily. 

Sidney pressed a kiss to his forehead. “Open your eyes for me. Flower’s got the blackout curtains closed. My eyes have adjusted so I’ll be able to see them without turning on the lights.”

“Touching me a lot,” Geno mumbled before opening his eyes. He groaned and focused on Sidney’s face. “Are you okay?”

Sidney smiled at him softly. “I am. I had a panic attack last night when they told me you had a concussion which is why Flower brought you home. I am really sorry that I couldn’t handle it.”

Geno touched her jaw lightly. “Can handle it now?”

Sidney nodded, turning her face into his hand and pressing a kiss to his palm. “I’ve got you. Your pupils are reacting well.”

Geno closed his eyes again, exhaling softly. “Flower still here? Room clear?”

“Yes and no,” Sidney said calmly. “It’s okay. He knows something is up. I’ll talk to him once you’re settled and straighten everything out.”

“We going to be okay?” Geno asked, reaching out for Sidney again blindly. Sidney grabbed his hand with her own, holding it tightly. 

“We’ll be okay. Right now you need to get into the shower. You think you can do that?” asked Sidney.

“No. Sleep more.”

Sidney looked over at Flower who shrugged. “Just change the sheets when he does get in the shower. It’s not a serious concussion so let him sleep some more.”

“Okay,” Sidney said easily, knowing how hard it was to move the next day. Hopefully it wouldn’t be for nearly as many days for Geno as it had been for her. “Go back to sleep. I have to get up though and get moving.”

“Come back,” Geno said, already drifting back to sleep.

Sidney watched him for a moment before climbing out of bed. Flower crossed his arms over his chest and waited. “Breakfast?”

“Are you cooking?” asked Flower.

Sidney nodded and motioned for him to head out. She shut the door behind her and padded down the steps to the kitchen. Flower sat down and watched as she moved around, getting the coffee started. 

“Eggs okay?”

“Eggs are fine,” Flower said with a yawn. “How long have the two of you been so messed up?”

“Since he came back from Russia, but I was having problems before that,” Sidney said as she cracked the eggs into the pan. “The distance was too much for me. I kind of shut down on him emotionally.”

“He’s been back for almost two months.”

“I know,” Sidney looked at him seriously. “I’m going to tell you something and you cannot tell anyone, even Vero. I might let you tell her at some point, but not right now. I’m not prepared for her to know. I’m not really prepared for you to know.”

Flower furrowed his brow, looking concerned. “Jesus, are you dying or something?”

Sidney laughed at that, hollow and a little broken. “You’re the second person who has asked me that when I bring this up. Maybe I should change my approach or just let Geno tell people. Sergei took it well when Geno did it.”

Flower got up to stand next to Sidney as she scrambled the eggs. “What is it? I’ll keep my mouth shut. Whatever you need, Sid.”

Sidney took a deep breath and stared at the eggs intently. “I’m transsexual.”

Flower blinked and looked her up and down. “Male to female? I mean, I’ve seen your dick. That’s a damn good job if that’s fake.”

Sidney gaped at him, her hand not moving any longer. “Yes?”

“Let me finish the eggs,” Flower said, taking the spatula from her and nudging her over. “Sidney, I’ve always known there was something more than you just being gay going on. We’ve tried for years to figure it out - me, Tanger, and Max. Until you started dating Geno, we all honestly thought you just didn’t care about sex.”

“I know you still give that talk to the new guys,” Sidney said quietly. “Was it so they wouldn’t push me at women?”

Flower nodded. “You never showed any interest either way. The easiest thing to do was to say you were gay because the chances of another hockey player trying to push you at guys was slim. Had we known Geno was totally into the cock as well, we would have tried to fix you guys up ages ago.”

“It wouldn’t have worked. I couldn’t. Not with someone who didn’t know.” Sidney couldn’t stop staring at him, at the easy way Flower just accepted this. “So you don’t care?”

“I care a lot,” Flower said, pulling the pan off the stove. “Are we just eating out of the pan?”

Sidney flushed and grabbed a couple of plates. “Sorry.”

“I meant what I said last night. I care about you. I don’t care if you’re gay, straight, transgender, into hockey, whatever as long as it’s not illegal. I’m your friend, I am always going to be your friend. Now I just know that any issues you have are a little more complicated,” Flower dished the eggs out. “And we’ll work on them.”

Sidney waited until he put the pan down and threw her arms around him, hugging him tightly. Flower startled, but brought his arms up, hugging her back. 

“Hey,” Flower said gently, rubbing her back. “It’s good. We’re good.”

“Thank you,” Sidney said as she pulled back. She tried to discreetly wipe at her eyes as she went to grab mugs for the coffee. 

“So now comes the hard part. Tell me why the man who is concussed was worried that you were touching him and whether you were okay.”

“I haven’t been able to touch him,” Sidney mumbled, pouring the coffee. She grabbed the sugar and half and half, setting them on the table. “Or sleep in bed with him. I start to panic and have trouble breathing.”

“Is that why the den looks like a bedroom right now?” asked Flower, fixing his coffee.

“Until you said something last night, I never realized he was sleeping there because it was the closest to our room. I just thought he was being stubborn and doing it to prove a point and make me feel bad. He wouldn’t tell me when we talked about it with our therapist.”

“Sidney, the man would move the stars if it made you smile. He’s so far gone for you.”

Sidney smiled a little at that, sitting down across from Flower with her mug of black coffee. “It might not seem like it, but I am too. I’m just … bad at this.”

“Emotions? Yeah, we already knew that,” Flower said, shoveling eggs into his mouth. 

“I’m bad at letting go,” Sidney explained. “I’ve spent my whole life keeping so much of myself hidden that this freedom to be me is frightening. Last year, when Geno was here and we spent pretty much every waking minute together it was fine. I had moments where I couldn’t handle things but we could work it out together. 

“It was the lockout. He was so far away and all I could do was call or text him. We would Skype when we could, but he was playing hockey and it … hurt to talk about it with him. He was lighting it up over there, Flower, and I had to ask him not to talk about it.”

“You asked him not to talk about hockey?” Flower looked amazed. “Geno loves to talk about hockey. Hell, the few times I actually talked to him during the lockout that was all we talked about.”

Sidney looked ashamed. “I know. It was completely selfish of me. Most of this relationship is me being selfish and Geno taking it all in stride.”

“You can’t do that. It’s got to be an even strength match-up. You can’t spend all your time on the power play with him on the penalty kill.”

Sidney stared at him before bursting out laughing, huge cackling laughs that made Flower start laughing as well. Jeffrey lumbered into the room from where he was sleeping to find out what was going on and wisely stole the rest of Sidney’s eggs while she was collapsing in a fit of giggles. 

“I can’t believe you said that!” Sidney laughed, swatting at Jeffrey’s butt as he wandered off again, satisfied with himself. “That was _awful_.”

“But I’m right,” Flower said, pointing his fork at her. “So stop being a dick, man up - sorry, woman up - and begin treating Geno right if he’s your forever man.”

Sidney was still giggling a little, finding it hard to stop now that she was started. She nodded though. “I will. I should have asked you for advice ages ago.”

“That’s right,” Flower grinned. “I know everything. It’s part of being the greatest goalie ever.”

“I love you, but you’re taking that one up with Marty next year in Sochi. I am not getting in the middle of that goalie fight.”

Flower waved his hand. “I can take Marty. Plus he might retire. Someday.”

“Marty will be in his crease as long as he damn well pleases,” Sidney said with a grin. “And then when he retires, he might take his crease with him.”

Flower laughed. “They’ll cut that section from the Pru so he can hang it on his wall. You know he’s taking his posts.”

“Like you wouldn’t.”

“My girls have been good to me,” Flower said easily. “If you treat them right, they treat you right.”

Sidney sat back, drinking her coffee with a small smile on her face. “I think I kind of needed to have that panic attack. I don’t know if I’m still feeling the side effects of the Xanax, but I feel amazingly clear-headed and calm about everything.”

“Don’t push Geno too hard even though you’re all ready to talk about things,” Flower cautioned her. “You know how hard it is the first few days after a concussion. Let his brain heal before you start hitting him with huge emotional revelations.”

“If there’s one thing I know, it’s concussion care,” Sidney said dryly, looking at the clock. “Are you going to optional skate?”

Flower shook his head. “I’m going go home and sleep in my bed for a little while. Are you going?”

Sidney chewed on her lip thoughtfully. She didn’t like missing optional skate. She was the captain and it was her job to keep people motivated and working towards the goal of the Stanley Cup. The right thing to do for hockey was to go. The right thing to do for Geno was to stay home and she needed to start doing the right thing for Geno.

“Not this time,” Sidney said with a shake of her head. “I’ll call Dan and let him know. Everyone knew Geno was hurt last night and I had a panic attack. I doubt I’ll be expected to show up.”

Flower smiled and got to his feet. “Good answer. I’ll see you tomorrow, Sidney. Enjoy your day off and make sure Geno rests.”

Sidney got up as well, pulling Flower into another hug. “Thank you. If you need to talk to someone, Mario knows about me. Or you can wait until Geno is better and talk to him.”

Flower made a scoffing noise. “Or I can talk to you.”

“Or you can talk to me,” Sidney acknowledged. She picked up her coffee and followed Flower to the front door. “Thank you for everything, Flower.”

Flower smiled at her warmly. “You don’t need to thank me for being a decent person. However, I won’t turn down gifts of chocolate for dragging Geno’s heavy ass home.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Sidney promised. She shut the door behind Flower and headed into the den where Geno had been sleeping. Jeffrey was sprawled on the couch, lifting his head to look at her when she walked in. 

Sidney sat down next to him and scratched him behind the ears, looking at the den. There were books piled on the coffee table, some of which Sidney recognized as being from Geno’s collection of transsexual literature. Others she didn’t recognize and the titles were all in Russian. The recliner was still stretched out from Flower sleeping there, the blanket folded with the pillows on top. 

Sidney stared at it for a few minutes, thinking about how much Geno was giving up to be with her. He could have a normal relationship with a real boyfriend or girlfriend. He could have kids of his own and not have to worry about some unknown future where his boyfriend would turn into his girlfriend.

And there was Russia. Somewhere in the back of both of their minds was the unacknowledged fear of what would happen if it came out that Geno was dating a man at all, nevermind that the man was actually a woman. Geno was a popular figure in Russia - most eligible bachelor even. Russia was not a tolerant country.

Geno made his own choices though and she wasn’t going to try and undermine his decisions. She was selfish enough to not want to push Geno away even if it would be better in the long run. She loved him too much.

Sidney gave Jeffrey one last pat before gathering up Geno’s blankets and pillows to take them back into their bedroom. Geno was snoring softly, rolled onto his side with the blanket mostly on the ground. Sidney smiled fondly and readjusted the blankets so he was covered again. After a quick call to Dan to reassure him that she and Geno were both okay, but she was going to miss practice this morning, Sidney climbed into bed again. A day off was a day off and she desperately needed to sleep more.

 

Geno woke slowly, his head pounding and his body aching. His mouth was dry and he felt like his head was swollen three times its size. He still didn’t remember the hit that took him out which meant that he wasn’t going to be cleared quickly. He didn’t really remember much from last night except Sidney’s hands in his hair and being comforted by her. 

He opened his eyes just a little. It was still dark in the bedroom, the black out curtains pulled tightly shut. Sidney was sleeping on her side next to him, one hand resting on his thigh. His vision was starting to swim and he was too tired and hurt too much to try and figure out why she was so close so he shut his eyes again.

Geno reached for her hand, tugging on it to get her to wake up. He could hear her stirring and her fingers closed around his. 

“Geno,” Sidney said quietly, her voice muzzy with sleep. 

“Pill,” Geno muttered, hiding his face in his pillow. It smelled vaguely like Sidney which was reassuring and something he had missed so much. “Thirsty.”

The bed moved and he felt Sidney’s weight lift off. “Keep your eyes shut.” Geno listened to her, hearing the light for the bathroom flick on and the sound of water running. The light went off and he could hear her shaking a pill bottle before settling on the edge of the bed again. 

“I have some water and a pain pill,” Sidney whispered. “Tell me your pain level.”

Geno thought about that, thought about the pain in his knee and bad hits. “Five.”

“Seven then,” Sidney said easily, helping him turn. “We all lie on those pain scales.”

Sidney folded the pill into his hand and put the glass of water on the other. Without sitting up, he drank the glass, the pill being washed down easily. He handed the glass to her. “More.”

Sidney complied, leaving the light off this time as she refilled it. “Do you want to try some juice? Get your blood sugar up a bit?”

“Okay,” Geno said as he drank the water greedily. He groped around for the bedside table, knocking a book off in the process, but set the glass down without looking or dropping that on the ground. 

“Hey, hey,” Sidney said as she came back in, her voice firm. “No dogs in the bedroom right now. Go back to the den, Jeffrey.”

Geno could hear Jeffrey’s heavy breathing and a low whine of disapproval. “Wants to check me. Okay. No jump. He smart.”

A moment later Geno felt Jeffrey’s hot breath and his wet nose pressed against his cheek before he sniffed his way around his head and chest. He finished up by licking the side of Geno’s face and flopping beside the bed with a quiet huff, obviously set to wait Geno’s injury out. 

Sidney sat down again, running her hand down Geno’s side gently. “Apparently he is satisfied that you’re not dying.”

Geno took the bottle of juice she put in his hand, sipping it slowly this time. It tasted wonderful, the orange flavor exploding on his tongue. He let out a low moan of contentment and sighed as he put the lid back on. 

“I’m sorry,” Sidney murmured, leaning down to press a careful kiss against his lips. “About everything lately. I’ve been an awful girlfriend.”

“Yes,” Geno agreed, not able to filter himself. “Hurt me bad. Don’t know what I do.”

“It’s nothing you did,” Sidney promised, her voice sincere. Geno opened his eyes just a little to look at her and she was looking down at him, her expression sad. “We’ll talk when you’re feeling better but please understand that none of this is your fault. It’s on me and I’m going to be better.”

“Still want me?” asked Geno, bringing a hand up to cup her jaw. “Still be my girlfriend?”

“So much it scares me,” Sidney admitted. “As long as you’ll have me, I’m staying.”

“Forever,” Geno promised, shutting his eyes again. He was too tired for this and the pain pill was starting to take effect, his body feeling heavy and drugged. 

Sidney got back in bed as well, gently moving Geno so his head was pillowed on her shoulder, her cheek resting against his hair. She moved her fingers through his hair gently, soothingly. He hummed softly, tangling his legs with hers and keeping her close. 

“I love you,” Sidney murmured. “Go to sleep.”

Geno smiled against her shoulder and did what he was told. 

 

It was taking entirely too long to get cleared to get back on the ice again in Geno’s opinion. Sidney was happy they were being so cautious, but Geno just wanted to get moving again. When Sidney was away, he might have skated on the rink in the basement once or twice but since she was away, no one knew. 

They also hadn’t had a chance to sit down and talk about everything that was going on between them which was just as frustrating if not more so than being kept off the ice. Sidney kept reassuring him that she was going to change and that none of it was his fault.

And in her defense, she had been better. Much more demonstrative and open with him. They were sharing the bed again and she was making decisions that benefited both of them instead of just her. So it was a start.

Geno had seen Pamela once since he got the concussion and Pamela said that Sidney wanted another group session so that the three of them could outline a plan for her to take a little more control of her physical appearance to help her out emotionally. Geno had agreed since Sidney had told him as much before heading out on the road trip.

Sidney was going to be back late Saturday night and was off again until Tuesday. They were planning on meeting with Pamela Monday afternoon and just doing nothing on Sunday since it was a true day off. Geno couldn’t wait. 

It was almost three in the morning when Sidney finally got into bed, smelling like the stale air of a plane and Bengay. Geno turned to face her, wincing when he saw the bruising on her shoulder. He reached out to touch gently, frowning.

“How bad?”

“Just a lot of bruising,” Sidney promised. “Hip, shoulder, and back mostly. I have to go in at some point tomorrow to have the trainers check me out again.”

“Bad hit. Should have been penalty.” 

“Doesn’t matter now,” Sidney yawned, shifting so she was on her unbruised side. She tugged at Geno’s arm until he settled behind her, spooning her with an arm around her waist. Geno felt her relax against him and he pressed a kiss to the back of her neck. “Mmm...love you.”

 

When they woke, the sun was spilling through the curtains and Geno watched as Sidney stretched her arms above her head, the hem of her shirt riding up to expose her stomach. Geno couldn’t help himself, his hand reaching out automatically to rest against her side, feeling the warmth of her skin. 

“Is okay?” asked Geno quietly as Sidney lowered her arms, watching him. 

Sidney nodded before reaching down and pulling her shirt off completely. She looked awkward, not sure where to put her arms when Geno knew she’d rather be crossing them over her chest to hide her lack of breasts. 

Geno touched gently, running careful fingers over the myriad of bruises on her side and arm. “Test range of motion,” he said before lifting her arm, his other hand on her shoulder. “Pain?”

Sidney shook her head. “Just sore and a little achy. I think it’ll be okay if I stretch it out more.”

Geno leaned in to press a soft kiss against her shoulder, projecting his movements and intentions as obviously as possible in case she wanted to move away. She didn’t, instead brought up a hand to run her fingers through Geno’s hair. 

“How is your head?” asked Sidney. “Any other symptoms?”

“Headaches. Not lot. Mostly at end of day when tired. Everything else fine. Going to be allowed to skate tomorrow.”

“Do you think you’re ready?” Sidney sounded worried and Geno looked up at her fondly. 

“Being very careful,” Geno promised. “Not going to be cleared until pass concussion test. Promise.”

Sidney still looked worried, but nodded. “Okay. I guess we have to trust the team doctors.”

“They good. Neck easy to miss,” Geno said gently. He pressed a kiss to Sidney’s jaw gently. “Love you.”

“I’d like to have sex,” Sidney said quietly. “Not right now. Tonight though.”

Geno pulled back to look at her seriously. “Not have to. Don’t do if it because you think I want.”

“I _want_ ,” Sidney said just as seriously. “I miss touching you. I really screwed this up the last few months by being so afraid. The longer we were apart the less I trusted my memory and the more I second-guessed our relationship. And I never said anything to you.”

“Wish you had. Needed to know to talk about us.” Geno rested his hand on her side. “Memory faulty. Trust heart from now on.”

Sidney grabbed Geno’s hand, pulling it up to rest on her heart. “I trust you with my heart.”

“Sappy,” Geno said fondly, leaning up to kiss her. “Already have mine.”

“I don’t think I want be separated from you that long again,” Sidney said softly, pressing their foreheads together. “I want to come to Russia this summer.”

“Yes. We train in Russia,” Geno agreed immediately. “Make Kader come. Gonch train with us and Mama and Papa be so happy to see you and welcome to family.”

“Maybe we could go to Cole Harbour too,” Sidney suggested. “Spend some of the summer with Taylor.”

“Bring Taylor to Russia if she want,” Geno said easily. “But we go to Cole Harbour too. See your parents.”

Sidney made a face at that. “They’re still not on board with me dating you. When I call I always get a lecture about how I don’t want to be outed as the first gay athlete yada yada. They don’t understand that I’m not gay. Obviously.”

“To outside we gay,” Geno said to her gently. “Can’t get mad at people thinking that. Important people know truth.”

“I wish I could change now,” Sidney admitted, shifting so she was resting her head against Geno’s chest. “And keep playing hockey.”

“Don’t think that possible. Hormone therapy probably not sanctioned. Didn’t think to argue that in new agreement with NHL.”

Sidney laughed a little. “I can only imagine how that would have gone. Yes, I’d like to make hormone therapy for transgendered hockey players legal and allow them to keep playing while they transition.”

“I vote yes,” Geno walked his fingers down her spine to the top of her pajama shorts and then back up again. “You can change mind at any point.”

“My contract goes until 2025,” Sidney reminded him. “That’s twelve more years of this body.”

“Contracts not important. Players retire, get hurt, stop playing. Contracts end early. Pittsburgh retain rights but that not matter.”

Sidney lifted her head to look at him. “You’ve thought about this before.”

“Yes,” Geno admitted honestly. “I worry that you need to transition sooner. Body cause you so much hurt being this way.”

Sidney frowned. “I have a plan. It just means no more playoff beards after this season.”

Geno touched her jaw. “First step?”

Sidney nodded. “It won’t really be something commented on. I can’t really grow a real beard and shaving is a daily reminder. We’ll be able to use less makeup as well since we won’t be covering any hair.”

Geno smiled at her softly. “Good first step. Hopefully will help you feel better.”

“Pamela agrees with me. That’s one of the things we’re going to talk about tomorrow as well as going to Russia.”

“No more not talking. Goes both ways. I stop talking too and blame you for it. We both mess up.”

“You tried. I hid everything from you when you were in Russia,” Sidney said quietly. “I couldn’t tell you how much I hated who I was. How hard it was to be idle again while the lockout dragged on. I couldn’t talk to Mario so I talked to Nathalie, but it wasn’t enough. Taylor was busy with school. I purposely scheduled things on days I was supposed to have appointments with Pamela.”

“What?” Geno frowned. “Why do that?”

“Because she made me angry,” Sidney admitted. “She kept telling me that I needed to talk to you, talk to anyone really. I needed to reconnect with who I was, not who I was pretending to be. I stopped putting on make-up at home while you were gone. I couldn’t wear it around Nathalie either. I’m not ready for them to see me.”

“Oh Sidney,” Geno said softly, pulling her down to rest against his shoulder. He stroked her bare back gently. “You know who you are now?”

“Not always but I’m working on it. I need your help and I need Pamela’s help. Most of all, I need you to be understanding,” Sidney said, slotting her leg between Geno’s. “Because I am going to be awful sometimes. I am going to be mean and cranky and short with you.”

“I try,” Geno promised. “And I tell you when I upset too.”

Sidney lifted her head. “Okay. Kiss on it?”

Geno chuckled and kissed her softly, even though the angle was weird and awkward. “Done deal now.”

There was a whine at the door and Sidney laughed, dropping her head back down. “So much for a relaxing morning in bed. I’ll put him out.”

Geno wrapped his arms around her, not letting Sidney move. “One more minute.”

“Okay,” Sidney said, relaxing against him easily. “But you’re cleaning up any pee.”

**Author's Note:**

> I made on little change to how Geno got hurt. I had him get hurt in Pittsburgh instead of Florida. So there is that. Yes, this is the post-Don't Carry It All story. It took a lot to get this out and I had to go write another section in order to move forward on this. This is not a conclusion, but it is a start. Thanks, as always, to dine. I spent today writing and chatting with her and she gave this section a thumbs up to post. 
> 
> I also want to make a point to say that I'm showing positive reactions to Sidney coming out as transgender for the most part. There are many people who find out in this series who do not have good reactions. I have a huge world in my brain and while I tend to write the positive experiences, there are some very negative ones. There is a large variety of reactions that can occur when someone comes out and negative experiences are very common. I don't want people to think that I'm ignoring the reality of someone coming out as transgender.


End file.
